I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The best revenge is premature balding
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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