we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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