i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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