On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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