ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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