he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
