I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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