Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
