just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
