when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
