At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
