Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize