I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do vagina's smell?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
