1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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