I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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