I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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