Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
