in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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