you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
