I hate all girls vehemently.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
