She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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