so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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