I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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