Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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