dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
