perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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