My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
