also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
