what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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