I just cut my nipple shaving
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We are two peas in an std pod
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think your dad took our porno
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
