i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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