I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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