Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
