Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
