There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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