i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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