Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
