hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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