i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
