he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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