the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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