they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Randomize
