Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
