The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
