What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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