i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
