VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
