K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he thought i was a dude.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I will be naked everywhere
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
