you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
