Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
