sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
