The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
