What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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