I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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