somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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