it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
