dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
