Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
