pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
