no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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