Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize