Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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