This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
