Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
one might say we're banned from that church
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
